Twentyyyyy

Being 20 is surprisingly different than being 19.  Generally when a person's birthday passes, they say they don't really feel any older.  However, this year I feel older.  I'm not sure if this should be attributed to the fact that I am no longer a "teenager," I live completely independently (sort of), or just to the extreme difference between my Freshman and Sophomore years of college.  It is probably the latter. College used to feel new and exciting, I used to walk around the dorms and campus looking for new people to meet, and I would wait for someone to reach out to me in Cru and other clubs.  Now everything has changed.  I know the ropes, I give direction, advice, I offer myself instead of taking from others.  I spend my time at Cru not waiting for someone to talk to me, but flitting around trying to get to know all of the new people joining us.  I am settled in my clubs and jobs.  I have a completely different kind of relationship with the residents in the dorm and I have my core groups of friends.  I'm responsible for listening to and helping other people solve their problems.  I'm really an adult.  It's strange and crazy and I have mixed feelings between really loving it and kind of missing the way things were last year.   Yet, some things haven't changed.  I'm still really busy, I still do schoolwork all the time, I'm still involved in the same things.  I guess now my life is kind of about growing the parts of my life deeper instead of wider (if that makes any sense).  I think constantly about the future: what I'm going to do during the next summer, what major will give me the best job opportunities, if I want to continue to live in the residence halls.  Life is like a never ending ocean of choices and opportunities, but sometimes they are really difficult to sort through.

However, I did have quite a nice birthday and was so thankful that Megan and Sarah came to spend it with me!  Thank you to everyone for the lovely cards, pictures, checks, texts, and facebook messages I received :)